My summer in a nutshell

Lately I've only been posting food entries, not what I've been up to lately.

Back in May, I barely survived finals with my best friend, Bethany. Our combatant: Physics. Over Easter, we spent over two days living at each others' houses legitly doing nothing but physics. We trashed both  of our rooms, both cried multiple times, and went so completely insane. We drew an image that made us both feel better though, it looked something like this:

Yep, that's right. It's Bethany and I kicking Physics' ass, a fat ass with a mole with a hair and a mom tattoo. This was VERY beneficial to my mental sanity.

Anyways, then I took my AP's which weren't stellar but I worked my butt off on so I really can't do more than feel happy about.  Okay my scores were still mostly good: a five, three fours, and a two. I know the two sucks monkey balls, but I don't want to beat myself up.

After everything was over, it was the most fabulous feeling. Like I'd been floundering around in warm jello, probably the cherry kind my Grandma always used to force down the throats of me and my cousins. After my stresses were through, temporarily at least, I was no longer getting my legs lodged in semi-solidified jello, I wasn't confined by jello-ey walls, I was no longer being silenced, stifled, and confined. I was finally just swimming in cool water. I really love the feeling of floating underwater, with my eyes closed in the deep end until I don't know which direction is up any longer and everything vanishes from my mind but the glorious feeling of the water on my skin.

Anyways, that was a very pretentious and ill thought out metaphor for how I felt, but anyways I liked it. Then, I had several days to do whatever I wished: nobody attended school- instead we went to the zoo and had a slip and slide extravaganza in the park.

Then I went to Oregon and was a counselor at a 6th grade camp. My cabin was atop a freaking mountain which my girls ( and myself, no doubt) climbed about 6 times every day. It was stressful being a counselor but well worth it and a great experience. *sentimental* My greatest influence was the staff because they were so goofy and lovable that you could tell they would really do anything to put a smile on the kids’ faces (such as tutu Tuesday, when all the staff, men and women, wore tutus). My strongest memory was when in the evenings at campfire right before bed, they would sing this very sentimental and touching song that just reminded me why I was there to be a counselor. It erased any stress or frustrations I had had throughout the day and reminded me that I was there to give these kids the time of their life and memories that would last forever.

Outdoor School Staff

Then, all of a sudden my ex boyfriend started talking to me after 5 months of silence. Geez, that was interesting. In a good way. He's a lazy butt who sits around watching anime all day (It's 1:26am and I'm sitting right next to him watching anime). But he's also a teddy bear who I've finally learned how to become friends with again, best friends actually, and seems like an older brother (even though I'm older than him haha)

Then, I took the SAT and ACT and did unusually bad in both of them*sigh * Try again, that's all I can do. Then I went to Boston and NY for two and a half weeks to visit colleges and family. I will post a separate post about my trip.

Then, I  started an internship at a refugee resettlement agency *Ugh sorry I'm getting really tired, I will talk about this in depth at another time.

After that, I've just been hanging out with friends and my ex boyfriend is staying at my house for 5 days because his parents are out of town and won't let him stay alone. That has actually been really fun, strangely enough. Then yesterday I threw a surprise b-day party for Bethany and now school starts in 2 days.

okay too tired, I have to go now

Bhutan's Other Side: is the highest per capita refugee population really the happiest place on earth?

Earlier this summer when I told my Grandmother that I would volunteer at a refugee resettlement agency, she asked where the most people were coming from these days. I said that I heard the majority were from Bhutan but I didn't know anything about Bhutan yet since I hadn't yet started. Today I got a letter from her in the mail and she included the following article she encountered (I don't know the source):

"High Spirits"
"Bhutan has come up with a warm and fuzzy way to access the state of the nation. Believing that bliss is more important than business, the tiny Himalayan country measures Gross National Happiness instead of Gross National Product. In a recent poll, 4% of people described themselves as unhappy, and 96% said that they were happy or, even better, very happy. :-)"


This was surrounded by pictures of smiling Bhutanese children.

Then she asked, If the people there are so happy why are they coming to this country?
Now that's a really good question that has a strange answer but I'm going to do my best to tell what I know of Bhutan because it's extremely fascinating.

Bhutan is situated in the Himalayas south of China, North of India, and to the right of Nepal.



Bhutan is nicknamed the "happiest place on earth" for its peaceful lifestyle and many celebrities have gone there for vacation. It's crazy expensive to visit and much of the country's income comes from tourism. It's one of the most undeveloped countries and had no proper roads, schooling, or currency until the 70's . It even had no law or government till 100 years ago.






As you can see, it's mindbogglingly gorgeous. Even I want to go there.
If you're interested here is a short 5 minute video showing you Bhutan.
I would also recommend "The Price of Knowledge" about a young Northern boy going to school in Bhutan

Since Bhutan was so underdeveloped until recently (and still is fairly underdeveloped by our standards), they hired Nepali laborers to help modernize the country by building roads and such. However, they stayed in Southern Bhutan until they eventually made up about 49% of the population, which freaked out the monarchy because they were scared of being overrun by the Southern Bhutanese (ethnically Nepali). Because of this, the government decided to institute a policy of Bhutanization, creating one nation with one culture. The Southern Bhutanese mostly speak Nepali, have slightly darker skin than Northern Bhutanese, and are Hindu as opposed to the Buddhist Northerners. I'm not sure how accurate this is but I've also heard that the expulsion was partially because they were afraid that the Southern Bhutanese were detrimental to Bhutan's tourism.

As you can see, this didn't fly with the one nation one culture policy so approximately 1/6 (100,000 ppl) of Bhutan's entire population was expelled. They were issued "voluntary" migration forms, but were forced to sign and flee if they didn't want to be arrested and tortured like many were. Despite all this, most of the Bhutanese I've spoken to say that they love their king still and seem convinced that this is not his doing (and that I do not know).
They've fled to Nepal, where they've been set up in refugee camps but that was 20 years ago! Not much has changed yet. Nepal won't accept the Southern Bhutanese to integrate them into their country and they are unable to leave the camps or hold jobs. They are also not allowed to return to Bhutan, although many love their home country and greatly with to return. Do you sense a problem here? This is a dead end! where are these people supposed to go? They can't even become self sufficient if not allowed to hold jobs  so there is no way they can make progress.

This is why the U.S. is stepping in and plans to slowly over many years take in about 60,000 of the 100,000 displaced refugees. And this is where I got to meet several Bhutanese! :D

What makes the Bhutanese situation so mysterious and elusive is that most Bhutanese will not speak of the refugee issue. If asked they will simply tell you that they do not speak of that. I was lucky to speak to a man who was open about it but most are not. I think this is part of why most people are completely unaware of the refugee situation in Bhutan.

here is another resource about Bhutanese refugees which is really interesting and short, if you're interested.
It's 1:41 in the morning so I'm going to go to sleep now.

bruschetta twist, cousin of the infamous tomato cheesie

When did this turn into a food blog? I even said nuggets cooking didn't happen often. I think it's just because it's summer and I have some spare time on my hands but here it goes:

1. Toast a slice of good quality bread (not the squishy white stuff they have these days; I used Trader Joe's Artisan bread)

2. Spread some Boursin cheese on your slice of bread. It comes in several different flavors. I used the garlic one and bought it for about $3.50 at Trader Joes.


3. Slice some cherry tomatoes (or any kind, really), yellow squash, red bell pepper, and a clove of garlic.

4. Melt a tablespoon of butter in a saucepan and add veggies, except for tomatoes and garlic. Add salt and pepper, then the garlic (it burns easily so we didn't want to put it in at the beginning). Let cook for a minute or so then add tomatoes and reduce heat to lowest setting (tomatoes added last because we don't want them to get mushy and fall apart). Add a dash of freshly grated parmesan cheese and stir to allow the cheese to melt and tie together the veggies' flavors.

5. Then spoon veggie mixture on to your bread  and boursin cheese. Top with a tad more parmesan and put in toaster oven for a minute to melt cheese. I was going to also add chives or green onions, but forgot. They would go well with this recipe but it is also delicious without.

Quinoa stir-fry

Guess who cooked again?
...
waits for guess
...
okay fine, I'll get on with it.

This time I made stir fry with quinoa. I'm not really sure what quinoa is, except that it's kind of like couscous and is a rice-like grain. Anyways, I started out by sauteing my veggies in about 2 tb of butter.

Said veggies: white onion, red onion, red bell pepper, and squash 

I ended up not using the green onions, tomato, and yellow cherry tomatoes because I had originally planned on putting them in a quesadilla but found out that I had no cheese. So quinoa  stir-fry it was.

Veggies cooking. Added a tad salt and pepper

Now, the quinoa bussiness...

I'm not the best chef, you see, I don't know how to cook quinoa. Somewhere online said to do 1 parts quinoa to 1 and 1/2 parts water. so I did that except to make it more flavorful I used chicken stock instead of water and let me tell you, that was an excellent choice. however, it seemed like that wasn't enough water so I added a bit more liquid, let it absorb, and let sit for 5 minutes. Then, I stirred in my veggies and added some corn from the freezer for sweetness. Now, let me tell you this is excellent and you can cook it in less than 30 minutes easily. I'm not even a fan of peppers or squash, but in this recipe I liked them.

um.. soup and salad (I need to think of better names for my creations)

I cooked *big wet eyes brimming with pride*

First, not too fancy, just a salad

Isn't she beautiful?

She was Whole Foods inspired. One day it was too hot outside to do anything so my mom and I decided to go there for entertainment and look at all the pretty foods we can't afford and take as many samples as possible. But anyways they had this arugula, red onion and corn salad.

So mine is arugula, lettuce, corn cut off the cob (because it's better that way), shallots, red onion, and I think that's all. I wanted Olive Garden dressing because it's da bomb wtf so I tried to make my own and adapted copykat's here. btw I just want to point out that I was very proud of myself for figuring out how to make the link go into just "here" instead of having all the bogus wtf.
I didn't have all the ingredients so I just left out the Romano cheese (replaced with freshly grated Parmesan), Italian seasoning, parsley flakes, lemon juice and sugar. wtf that's alot of ingredients left out but it still tasted good. I think I threw in some oregano, rosemary, and regular Italian dressing to make it a bit better. And I used more garlic, which is always a good thing. However, this dressing doesn't taste like Olive Garden's at all really to me (maybe with right ingredients), but I still liked it.


My other baby: I made this soup with Trader Joe's 10 beans mix or something like that. It's just a super colorful mix of beans in the bulk bins. However, I didn't know how to cook them and they were underdone even after 40 minutes cooking. But they added a nice flavor and the rest of the soup was good. I put in half an onion, some celery, four or so potatoes thinly sliced, and I can't remember if there was anything else. I cooked  them with the beans in chicken stock and as it cooked I put Colby Jack cheese in. My great Aunt Nena taught my mom this trick. It thickens the soup and also just makes the flavors all go together so much better. I usually also have a side of grated cheese so I can sprinkle even more on while I eat it. Sooo good.

It’s time to smell the roses.

I have been quite the grouch lately and generally unhappy but too stuck in my own little circle of frustration to realize I am the one making myself upset and I am the one who can chose to stop.

Recently I have met many incredible people; there’s the one who was going to be forced into the Ukrainian military, denied his rightfully earned scholarship in Kiev, and had his high school transcript taken by the government until he got a green card here and is now studying nursing and has been traveling all over the U.S. just trying to figure out what he wants to and where. 

The one who had been stuck working as a nanny in Ukraine because the government took her money and she couldn’t find a job even though she had a degree in food science (or whatever more formal and eloquent title that has) but then found love and came here only to have her husband die a year later and be stuck alone in a foreign country and not knowing what to do with her life (although now she has moved to Nebraska, found a job, and some friends and seems to be settling in nicely J).

 Or the one who married her husband after exchanging a few romantic letters only to find he was really an angry and abusive man with a pocketful of girlfriends and be unhappily stuck into that marriage for about 15-20 years, have a child with him and somehow manage to raise her son into one of the most honest, humble, and just incredible people I’ve come to know, finally stand up for herself and file for divorce, find a new love, and now trying to figure out how to get a job, care for her health, finance her son’s education, and stay in this country.

The one who grew up running from home to home, discovered a love for nature and hiking, been a father figure to many more people than he knows even though he swore he could never be a father, and helping a vast majority of these listed persons as each of them came across his path.

There are so many others too.

Generally I just feel inspired by all these people around me who have had to face struggle yet been shaped into the most kind, gentle, and ever-helpful people I have come to know.

I feel ashamed at shutting myself in my room putting every ounce of energy into my studies and not stopping to get to know any of them to now. I’m also embarrassed that here I have confined myself into my downward cycle of pain, always looking at the half empty glass, while I’ve had a far more fortunate youth yet not managed to find the joy they see in simple things.

I want to be a more open person. I want to do something with my life. And most importantly I think I want to dedicate my life to helping others. I am thinking about being a social worker, or a doctor, or who knows what else, but definitely a career where I get to help improve the lives of others, for that would make me feel like I have had a really lived a successful life, even if I could just  help one person.

I decided what I wanted to do this summer: I want to become a volunteer at Casa de los Niños and IRC, and tutor children in summer school at my old elementary school. That’s a start at least. However, I am really tempted to take on my most ambitious idea yet: for my senior research project and Thesis I want to help rebuild Japan.

This is going to be a super quick post because I have a shit load of work to do right now but have to let some steam loose.

It’s just that we spent such a great portion of our lives together and now that that’s over I feel empty, have no one to talk to and just don’t know what I’m even trying to do with my life right now.  Sorry for being so dramatic but I just don’t know what too without you. It’s been months but I still cry over you every few days and I’m absolutely positive that you never felt hurt or sad throughout this whole ordeal. The only pain you ever felt was for me because you didn’t want to hurt me.

 I just feel so fucking stupid. You tried to make it easy on me—you said you wanted to be best friends, I thought we would be lifelong friends; you said you had fun with me. But those times are over. We never speak in school, you never call me, and if I do you end the conversation in a few brief minutes, don’t answer at all, or barely say anything because you’re just playing your stupid video games. Typing this, I cringe. This is never who I wanted to become. Since when am I the stupid ex you’ve been trying to ditch but just let go of you?

 You really don’t care about me at all anymore. At this point I really just want to be friends. Really that’s all but you don’t even care. This is so sad but I don’t even blame you. I’m not interesting or funny or anything. I started this blog because I wanted to let out who I really was but I don’t have anything to let out besides depressing entries of my bleeding heart. And I feel like I don’t even have friends to rely on. My only friends are closer to you than myself and I just really can’t take listening to you guys laugh and joke and them wearing your jacket or putting their head on your shoulder.

I don’t even want to publish this but fuck this shit I just want to spill my guts even if I don’t like what’s coming out. Next time I WILL write about something different because i need to find something within myself besides you.